Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
