Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
