Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
