He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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