My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
