This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
