you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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