well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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