If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
