After last night, I could never be a politician.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i believe in u and ur pee
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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