so that wasnt chicken after all
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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