So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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