I hate all girls vehemently.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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