I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
