Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize