Can i not drive my cunt home
even my farts smell like vagina
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
