there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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