why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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