Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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