If i come over, it means nothing
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
