bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
