whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
