I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
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Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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