so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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