It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
