She said her name was "party"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
