I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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