i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
