I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
