I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
