Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
