i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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