Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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