i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
