i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
