Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So vagazzling was a success
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
