my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
