I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
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I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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