if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
