the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
