do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
