Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
