my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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