So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
