i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
