we're blogging at a bar
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
