He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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