I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
