You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
