he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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