What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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