just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
