She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
