Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
