I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
