Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize