physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
