If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
