Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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