It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
