Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize