I'm so fucking centered right now
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
