somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
