Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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