I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
did i just pee glitter
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
