I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i permit you to call me
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
