is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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