It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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