Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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