Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
