Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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