Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your penis caused this!
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