Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
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He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
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So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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