Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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