I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
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I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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